Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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