He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
