she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize