I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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