I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
