you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
