you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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