Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
