oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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