i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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