Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
