Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
