I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
