yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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