look no pants
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize