not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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