DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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