dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize