We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
