I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
