are you so shy because you have an std?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
