Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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