I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
