Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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