Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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