both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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