So drunk its hurt
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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