Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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