I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
