I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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