The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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