Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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