They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
