I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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