Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
