i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
