You're a womanizer and a bitch.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
