high people should be assigned attendants
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
