Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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