no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
