No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
