somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So much Jack, so little girl.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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