my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
