somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
