Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
