Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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