Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
