It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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