I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
