my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm really busy with my period
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