why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize