Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
