census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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