what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
