Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
