Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
