you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
