She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
