The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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