no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
