trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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