So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
