i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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