Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
