god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love having hate sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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