sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
